On the night of the 4th of July dance, Samantha and Jasper make their way through a town fair. Back at the Arnold house, Kelley starts drinking beer and hanging out with the cows. As Kelley becomes increasingly intoxicated, he convinces himself to attend the dance. Before he leaves, Kelley flirts with the cows and dances around for them.

Kelley shows up to the fair completely drunk and starts a fight with Jasper, but ends up smashing headfirst into a drum set. Later, Kelley packs his bags and storms out of the Arnold house.

By a certain point in any film, it becomes apparent that you have learned everything you need to know about the main characters. By the end of this chapter, we have learned the following about Kelley, Samantha, and Jasper:

• Kelley's romance with Samantha has not improved his manners around town
• Samantha's public affair with Kelley has not inspired her to break up with Jasper
• Jasper is not too proud to beg for Samantha's attention anyway

Adding to the nonsense of this information, of course, is the fact that the so-called "4th of July dance" looks more like a carnival and involves no dancing. As they meander across the fairgrounds, Jasper couldn't look more pleased to be escorting his cheating girlfriend; nevertheless, if the theme of this chapter is inappropriate romantic partners, Kelley takes the prize for getting wasted and beelining for the cows.

To be sure, the scene with Kelley and the cows may be seen as the true climax of Here On Earth, as it pays off the only compelling plot thread in the movie; on multiple occasions so far, Kelley has loudly accused Jasper of having an erotic fixation on his cows. But while Samantha is at the fair obviously preoccupied with Kelley, the film cuts to Kelley standing solemnly before a bovine jury, beer in hand. It is certainly a popular belief that intoxication brings out one's true feelings and desires, and thus it is rather alarming when Kelley starts begging the cows date him and dance with him, while a song called "I Need Love" plays on the soundtrack.

A scene like this can only happen for one of two reasons:

• Kelley knows the camera can see him
• Kelley is totally confident that NO ONE can see him, and no one will EVER, EVER find out about this, because he would NEVER, EVER do something this, it's just that he's REALLY stressed out and no one else is around, and he really misses his girlfriend, and the cows aren't going to tell anyone...

In the case of the former, it is worth noting the influence of such filmmakers as Cameron Crowe , whose characters' words and actions are so quirky as to bear no resemblance to human society. Sadly, though it would be nice to believe that Kelley's scene with the cows is merely the product of bad screenwriting, the viewer must consider a third possibility, which is actually identical to the second possibility if "Kelley" is substituted with "Chris Klein."

If this subject matter seems shocking, however, it is nothing compared to Kelley's next assertion to these poor innocent cows:

This is for members of the town, right? And since I am now a proud member of this town, then I should be allowed to go, right? I should definitely go. I should absolutely be allowed.

These statements surely imply a missing reel of Here On Earth in which Kelley treats anyone in town with an ounce of kindness, earning their acceptance after apologizing for his repellent behavior. If Judge Maddick's goal was for him to build character over the summer, Kelley is giving himself an awful lot of credit for personal growth he hasn't actually achieved.

Nevertheless, Kelley feels entitled to show up to the town fair totally wasted, demand that Samantha dance with him, and start another fight with Jasper. And after the humiliating outcome of this one, Kelley can add "destroyed drum set" to his list of offenses against the innocent residents of Putnam.

Kelley approaches Mrs. Arnold in the kitchen.

Kelley: Hey, um... I'm really grateful that you've put me up in your home, and I'd like to help you cook dinner sometime if I'm still invited to eat with your family.

EXT. CAVANAUGH HOME - DAY

Kelley knocks on the door. Mrs. Cavanaugh answers.

Kelley: Hey, um... I'm really sorry that I blew up your mom's diner. Helping rebuild it is the least I can do, but I know it doesn't make up for your loss.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

Kelley approaches Jasper.

Kelley: Hey, um... I'm really sorry for starting a fight with you that one night, and calling you poor and stupid, and stealing your girlfriend and naming her jugs after U.S. states.

Jasper: What?