August 2, 2003

TO: Bo Welch
CC: Alec Berg, David Mandel, Jeff Shaffer

FROM: Universal Pictures

RE: THE CAT IN THE HAT

Dear Mr. Welch:

It is with intense apprehension that we contact you again. We are now 48 minutes into your most recent cut of THE CAT IN THE HAT, and we feel there have been some crucial misunderstandings in your translation from the source material. Frankly, we are starting to wonder if you are familiar with Dr. Seuss's work at all.

Below is a continued list of  items present in your film which do not appear in the original book "The Cat in the Hat."

We thank you in advance for getting in touch IMMEDIATELY so that we may resolve this distressing matter.

• The Cat becomes a "redneck" and exposes his bare bottom to fart in the children's faces; again, we need to double check but we don't recall this happening in Dr. Seuss's story (additionally, are we facing a PG-13 rating as The Cat's butt cheeks appear to be human?)


• The Cat beats an elephant into submission while the children watch

• The Cat appears to be violently sucked into grinding machinery while he screams and struggles, again while the children watch


• The Fish is thrown into a toilet where he screams, "This is where they buried my brother!"; cut to jubilant reactions from Conrad, Sally, and The Cat

• The Cat derides circuses for employing "tortured animals and drunken clowns with hepatitis" -- is this a reference to Krusty the Clown? Also seems inconsistent with The Cat's recent assault and battery of an elephant -- let's discuss


• Larry gets drunk and belches in front of the children


• The Cat scratches his backside and sheds a considerable amount of hair onto Larry


• At one point, The Cat performs an infomercial for the children which is alarming for several reasons:
  
  
  • The Cat plays two characters, one of whom has a head of blonde hair -- is there any way to edit around this? The wig is quite upsetting
  
  
  • Very uncomfortable as the Cats become increasingly hostile towards each other, including death threats and slurs against one's mother
  
  
  • The Cat cuts off his tail with a meat cleaver and screams, "SON OF A BI--"; although the expletive is interrupted, the sentiment may not be in the spirit we're striving for
    

• The Cat forces his finger into Sally's mouth


• The Cat holds Joan's dress in front of himself and informs the children that he is a girl


• The Cat speaks in a "gay" (possibly "black"?) voice to criticize Joan's dress and snap his fingers for emphasis


• We are concerned with the character design of the Things -- are their faces too frightening?


• The Things surf down the stairs on Mrs. Kwan's body while her head slams against each step


• The Cat appears to drink an alcoholic beverage in front of the children

• The Things throw the children's dog through a window


• The Cat says that the only way to solve everything is murder


• Larry exposes his grotesque hairy belly -- is this a prosthetic? Let's discuss possible reshoots without the belly; Larry also takes out his dentures, let's discuss cutting this out as well

• Larry watches videos of women doing the splits while suggestive moans are heard on the soundtrack


• The Cat squats down to reveal a conspicuous tuft of fur between his legs -- is this intentional??


• The Cat steps on the children's heads to climb a fence; accuses Sally of not trying and calls her "shrimp boat"

• The Cat refers to a garden hoe as "dirty hoe" and throws it away, before apologizing to the hoe, "I'm sorry baby, I love you" and finally licking it


• The Cat appears to be lynched -- that didn't happen in the book


• The Cat is struck in the crotch with a baseball bat; subsequently turns into a swinging country milkmaid as a psychological escape


• The Cat is barely stopped from bludgeoning a child


• The Things tie up Mrs. Kwan's body and use her as a human marionette puppet

Overall, our concern largely centers around the character of The Cat, as he sometimes comes across as hostile or sinister.

More worrisome, however, is the film's preoccupation with The Cat's sexuality, to say nothing of the recurring "Cat in drag" motif.

We eagerly look forward to hearing from you. Like, today.

Best,
Universal Pictures